James 1:19-25 "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does."
Being perfectly honest, over the past month I've been faced with some anger issues. As the world as I knew it was changing, my default was to get angry about it. I had a disagreement with one of my best friends, and yes, he really did hurt me, so naturally I got angry about it. But what good is anger? It says pretty clearly above that anger will not get you what God wants to give you. Knowing that God wants to give us His life, and that He already has given it for us, my getting angry was just keeping me from receiving His full gift. Who wants to get a present only to realize that you could have had more? Well God is telling us that there is more, and, that to receive it, all we have to do is lay ourselves down and raise Him up. Talk about needing no more instructions than that!
Thinking about it, anger is nothing more than an overgrowth of pride. When our egos are hurt, we get angry. But what is God saying about pride here? He says that we should humbly accept the new heart He has given us and His Word which he has placed in it. Part of accepting God is recognizing that He's the only answer, and I think that's a big part of why so many people refuse to submit themselves to Him.
I was sprawled out in a massaging recliner at Brookstone tonight after dinner and I happened to overhear some of the employees talking to each other. This is verbatim what the young girl was saying to her coworkers: "You see, I was raised in the church, so it's hard for me to say that I don't believe it, but now that I'm in college, I get science. Science makes sense. So that's sort of where I'm leaning right now." It's comforting when something makes sense to us, isn't it? When something finally clicks in our heads, we have a sense of accomplishment that overtakes us. Pride. God doesn't want that. He doesn't want us to be able to wrap our heads around Him. It's been said that the moment you think you completely understand God, you've made Him too small. That's so true.
One area that I'm very poor in is that of evangelism. Yes, I've done missions trips, and yes, I've shared the Gospel and led people through the prayer to receive Christ. But in that environment I was comfortable with it. It felt "ok." So how come tonight, while hanging out with one of my brothers in Christ and best friends, I wasn't able to go up to this girl and become a part of the conversation? Why was I content to comment about it as we left without having done anything about it? There I go again - a lack of action.
Over the last month as I did my Family Medicine rotation, I was blessed to work with a man who had no qualms about his faith and about sharing the Gospel with anyone and everyone he came across. I kid you not, but every day when he would come in, he would have another story to share about how either he, his wife, or one of their seven children had helped lead someone to Christ the night before. I was in awe. I was in shock. I was ashamed that I didn't have the same fortitude. It's time to challenge myself in professing my faith. Even more, to challenge myself in spreading my faith. It's one thing for everyone to know where I stand, but it's another to help bring them into His fold. I need to be better about taking action on this.
1 Peter 3:3-4 "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."
After my daily reading this morning, I flipped over to 1 Peter, a chapter that we have been working through in the Men's Physicians Bible Study at St. Vincents (a group I was blessed to be a part of during my Family Medicine rotation). The above passage is God's command to women as wives. So why would I, as a single young man, be drawn to that passage? Well, it's simple. If that's God's instructions to wives, then shouldn't that be what I'm looking for as I look for His bride for me?
Yes, right now there's a girl who has my interest. But after thinking about the above passage, as well as a conversation I had at dinner tonight, it's even clearer that now is not the right time for me to be dating. As we were talking about her tonight at dinner, my friend asked me, "Is she a believer?" Being completely honest, I don't know. I've observed her personality, I've observed her mannerisms, and yes, she comes across as someone of a similar moral fiber as myself, but that really means nothing in the big scheme of things. Until I'm at a place where I'm confident to openly discuss my faith with a girl, I have no business trying to lead one in a relationship.
You see, that's the real purpose of my healing journey right now. Confidence. Most of my life I've struggled with confidence issues. Hard to imagine that from someone with no problem getting up in front of 2,000 people and singing, right? My confidence has come from the approval of those around me, and that doesn't provide anything long-term. When you build yourself on those around you, it's like building on sand. It's great to - and you must - have people to support you, but they cannot be your foundation.
My focus now is to draw my confidence and sense of who I am from above and within, not from anything or anyone around me. Until I have successfully reached that place, all I'll do is cycle in and out of highs and lows. Confidence in Christ - that's the mission.
Final Thoughts
It's time for action. It's time to step up and do something. It's time to profess my faith. It's time to make known that I'm a child of God. It's time to follow His paths in bringing new believers into His kingdom. I can't help but pray for that employee from Brookstone. Lord, I pray that You work in her heart to bring her to a place of submission. That You bring her to a place where she is able to give up trying to "understand" and is comfortable in sacrificing her life to You. Father, that You would work in her heart and in my own to make us comfortable in our humility. It's not until we've reached that point that we will gain true confidence - Confidence in Christ. In the name of Your Son, Christ Jesus, Amen.
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